Hi all, it’s good to be back. Sorry it’s been a while, things are still getting pretty hectic as I speak. BUT, it’s with intense joy that I get to say that I’m back with a pretty amazing post briefed to me by legendary gift makers, Man Crates.
So, this’ll be entirely about my Horror Movie Survival Kit: What would I need to survive in a horror movie genre of my choosing?
First, a little bit about Man Crates: Gifts for Men. An American company, they aim to create unique and innovative gifts for men that you’ll seldom find anywhere else. What’s more, the items turn up in a crate with a crowbar. You’ll have to delve into that gift in the most manly way possible. It’s such a genius and creative service, so check them out!
Now, based on all horror movies I’ve seen, a lot of the time, a survival kit is entirely necessary. If you’re surrounded by vampires waiting to get a drop of your blood, you’ll probably need a stake (and a good case of garlic, but that may just be because you’re hungry.) If you’re in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, you’ll be good to go if there’s a Winchester pub around and a baseball bat (though that’s just my British horror comedy fan coming through.)
Now, taking into account my favourite horror movies, I’m probably going to end up in a movie about a possessed object/doll/house/person(s). I love supernatural horror and possession is the best kind. From what I’ve seen and from what I understand, there’s an entirety of equipment I’ll most likely need to keep in mind and on hand. I’m going to stick to a basic top 5 here, because I could probably go on for a while, but there will be pictures, so there’s a plus. These are the things I find in every possession/spirit movie that I find oddly helpful and hilarious at the same time.
The setting: A car boot sale, a home with a recently purchased porcelain doll, Rome, the home of a girl who decided that Ouija boards are ‘just a game’… you get the picture.
1. Crucifix. Keep that stuff on you at all times and don’t be afraid to press it to said person’s face for added effect. What’s better than seeing a demon spawn’s face contort into pain and anger through a simple, historic action. (Stuff some holy water in there whilst you’re at it, too. Oh, and a bible so you can shout the power of Christ compels you as loud as you can at the all important moment.)
2. A priest’s phone number. You know, just in case he needs to put whatever’s carrying the demon into the back of his car. Because what could go wrong, right? Besides, you’ll probably need to call him to finally ask what the heck is going on with your life.
3. A non believer. Who doesn’t love that one person who doesn’t believe a single thing that’s going on as they whittle it down to pure coincidence/science/insanity… That person is essential to finally making a believer out of them in the end, and they’re usually the one to turn to, or the one that dies… Maybe don’t take the risk.
4. A stack of books about demonic possession/witchcraft/summonings/the occult. They’ll come in handy just before you find yourself in need of that priest. Though, you’ll probably have to go through some things with him to make sense of it all. Sometimes resulting in sudden gusts of wind against the pages.
5. A handy guide on willpower. You’re going to need all the willpower you can get when you finally have to drive that demon on home. He won’t go easy, so make sure you’re strong, and make sure you don’t have any dirty secrets, ‘cause he’ll know, and he’ll mock you for them. There’s nothing worse than a foul mouthed demon laughing at your indiscretions in a little child’s voice.
If you’ve got all these, you should be good to go. Although to be honest, I wouldn’t recommend getting caught up in a demonic possession movie. I hope you’ve enjoyed this post, what would your horror movie survival kit be? Let me know in the comments!